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Dear Tristessa's Sex Advice

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Sunday, January 15th, 2006
8:25 pm - HALLELUJA!!

Well, it's been a while and I hope this will at least get things rolling for now, but right now I'm just doing a regular discussion for now. Hope it will hold everyone off until I can get a chance to actually DO something for this community. I am so sorry for not really taking the time out for you guys but I've been so busy with work...I know it's no excuse because I've been unemployed and not doing shit for the community, but I just can't really come up with some good stuff, but however I do have one for this week.

What is your view on virginity?

Some cultures find virginity to be a blessing. Other's take it for granted. Everyday we may have chosen at one point to "wait for the right one" but then we come to find out we don't have the patience so we just dive right into the sexual bliss. I personally have been celibate (typo?) for almost a year now (not by choice mind you) but it really hasn't struck me much any...however I do find myself shaking and twitching lol. Well anyways, I used to take my virginity seriously. Didn't really want to have sex until I got married.....HAHAHAHAHA YEAH RIGHT!! Thanks to the corruption and the perversion of my older cousin, I was a horndog most of my life but I still managed to keep my sensitive and respectful side. So how about you guys? How was your life back when you first started into puberty and virginity and whatnot? What were your views on it? Were you originally planning to wait or are you STILL waiting? If there is anybody in this community that is still a virgin, I tip my invisible hat to you.

current mood: BRRRR!!!!

(Almost There...)

Saturday, December 24th, 2005
10:58 pm - Merry Christmas one and all!!

Hey guys! It's been a while since an update and I do apologize for that, but I want to let you all know I haven't been able to do shit because of the helladay oops...I mean Holiday Season and work and everything that I haven't had the time to update or make the things I was talking of making. I do apologize and hope you guys can please bare with me. I will try to have something up after all this holiday garbage is out of th way. I hope you all have a happy and wonderful Christmas. Well, that's all for now.

shitsurei shimasu,


current mood: cheerful

(Almost There...)

Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005
3:12 pm - Heyyyyyyyyyyy Kids!

I know, I know it's been forever. I'm still alive. My new community has two members now, and I'm hoping to get more. So here's an update in my life, because yes, I've been way behind.

I'm single. In case I failed to mention it, I dumped Fox a while back for another guy. Then we broke up after like two months, so I've been single ince the beginning of September. I'm still friends with him, and he's a member of this community, as a matter of fact. Fox, on the other hand, has moved on a now has a girlfriend who's not even legal, but oh well, I'm trying to forget about him. I have a pretty cool job, and I no longer live with my folks.

So I'm having a guest this weekend. I've been talking to this guy who lives in Tampa (about a five hour drive south from where I live), and we're hitting it off well. I mean, I've never connected so well with anyone in my life. I'm also about to try my hand in hardcore S&M (domming, of course). We've discussed this, and it's what he likes. I'm also going to be busy showing him around my hometown (the wonderful city of Savannah), so we're in for a great time.

Later guys! Hope to clue you in on the gory details!!!

-Dear Tristessa

current mood: okay

(Almost There...)

Sunday, October 30th, 2005
1:33 am

I sent Dustin a letter yesterday. I feel kind of lame but I also feel some relief.
There's no saying what's going to happen from here, but at least the ball's in his court now and I don't have to worry my ass off about what to do.
I also have two varying opinions. One from an older lady I know who has told me other things that have all come true but who I'm still sometimes skeptical of, and one from Dustin's mom who hasn't talked to him about it but gave me her personal assumption. Before I tell you what the two opinions are, who would you think would have the more accurate perspective?

2 Orgasms (Almost There...)

Thursday, October 27th, 2005
8:43 pm - Pushed Back

Due to getting a job finally, I'm sad to say that I'm going to have to push the "new stuff" date to a later time. Right now is very hectic with training and I get really worn down. I'm not gonna stop working on ideas because I have a new job. I'm just not gonna be spending as much time working on it as I was going to. I'd say within the next couple of months I should have something up for you guys. So everybody please be patient with me. I just want you all to know I'm still here as well as Tristessa to answer any and all of your dating/sex questions as well as other member's input. We admire your loyalty to our community. Much thanks.


current mood: exhausted

(Almost There...)

Monday, October 17th, 2005
11:52 pm - Role Reversal

Well, kiddies...In the pursuit of other interests, I've decided to resign as the head honcho of this poor little community and leaving it up to Jester. I'm still a member, and really just became the co-moderator. But my heart and soul wants to go into something else, and that's why I've decided to start a bartending community. Well, that's all for now, folks!

2 Orgasms (Almost There...)

Thursday, August 25th, 2005
9:49 pm

Alright, so I saw Dustin on Sunday and things went better than planned although we're still not together.
We went out for a bit and then came back to my house and we were just sitting around talking about random stuff and he started staring out the window and looking kind of upset so I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing but he put his head down and started tearing up. So I told him he could tell me what he was thinking and feeling if he wanted to, but he just cried more. So I told him what I think and feel about everything as of right now and he accepted it really well and agreed with a lot of things I said. He said he missed me so much and that the week seemed really long without me and he loved me a lot but he wanted to think about stuff more and be absolutely sure that things weren't going to be like they were before. He said it's all just relatively fresh and he thinks he still needs to be by himself for awhile. But he held onto me and cried and put his face close to mine for a long time and he asked me to go out with him this weekend as well. So I guess that's good. However, he hasn't called me since.
So I still don't know what's going to happen. But I really hope things pull through. :S

current mood: worried

2 Orgasms (Almost There...)

Sunday, August 21st, 2005
5:48 pm - Jester's Discussion

There's something I need to get some opinions on, so help me out people. I was dating this girl once, and things were going well until some stupid shit surfaced. Well, to me, she is the kind of person who takes the little things just a WEEEEEE bit too seriously. Like I'll try to be nice and it just seems like I'm not being nice at all or maybe it's just not good enough. It feels like all I do is cause her anger or pain. She's a great gal though, I love the woman to death. She's an absolute sweetie, but man she can be so damn weird sometimes. She can tend to be an attention whore glutton at times as well. Well anyway, she and I were talking last nite about our breakup and why it happened. It's funny considering she felt betrayed by me and at the same time, I felt like I was being dumped because she wasn't getting her way. Well, funny how we both weren't even INTENDING on that at all. She dumped me because she felt like I betrayed her and did her wrong in the fact that I couldn't get her to come spend time with me because my 'rents are being hypocrites and not wanting to help someone in need. I did the best I could, and yet I get burned for not getting results. After discussing and settling our differences last nite, she asks me "So where do we go from here?" which is funny considering how I get to chose this fate of our relationship. So I'm now in a very confused state of mind. I want to take her back, but at the same time I seem to cause her nothing but pain and anger. I can't seem to make her happy. Last nite I asked her "Come to think of it, has there EVER been a time where I made you happy?" and she goes "If you didn't, I wouldn't have stopped myself from commiting suicide". That was a mindfuck if I hadn't heard one. But I dunno. I know she's an attention whore glutton, but I dunno. She's unstable too (she even told me), but I can't really do anything via instant message or phone, I need to be there, but alas I can't do that either seeing as how I'm stuck in this crappy disfigured shell of a body unable to get out to her. I dunno. I want to be with her, but at the same time I don't wanna cause her anymore pain, nor do I want the fear of fucking something up. I'm really leaning towards solitude. I really like it, but it gets old after a while *sigh*. Any feedback?


current mood: All fuggered up

3 Orgasms (Almost There...)

Thursday, August 18th, 2005
9:40 am

So as a *small* update to my last post:
I read the comments that Jester and Tristessa left and they suggested some really good things. I was actually going to go along with what Tristessa said about waiting maybe a month or so since the class that Dustin and I will take together starts exactly a month after we broke up and I figured I could talk to him after that.
But late last night, Dustin called me out of the blue, after only being apart for 3 days. It was really weird too, not in the sense of being uncomfortable but just the way he was talking. He was the one that called me but he really didn't have that much to say. He was just like,"Oh, I just wanted to see how you were doing and wish you luck on your exams." I told him I was doing okay and asked him if he was doing well. He just said, "No, not really....I'm alright I guess." And then he just paused and didn't really say anything else. So to break the silence I told him that I'd still like to see him on the weekend like he had said if he was still up for it. So he said he wanted to and then that was it. Kind of strange, to call your ex of only three days up for smalltalk.
Now I don't know if I should talk to him earlier. Maybe meet halfway between Jester's and Tristessa's advice? Little more time but not too late?

current mood: confused

5 Orgasms (Almost There...)

Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
4:53 pm

1. Nobody has posted in badvice for a REALLY long time and we should get it going again.
2. I have a relationship thing to talk about anyways.

Okay, so me and Dustin broke up on our one year anniversary. We had been fighting a lot over petty things because a)I have horrible self esteem b)we started spending way too much time together. He broke up with me, and told me that we might get back together, we might not, but he needed time to think because he doesn't see how it can work right now. I used this time to think also and I realized that my self-esteem needed working on. Result: I found a book on controlling emotions, anxiety, feeling good about yourself, etc. and read that and as hokey as it sounds, it really does help. I also realized that we were together way too much to think about the situation objectively so we never did anything to work it out even though we said we would because we just didn't have time or room to breathe and hear ourselves think about what the problem was and come up with an appropriate solution. I thought of many things that could help us work things out and I would like to talk to him about this, but I'm worried about:
- when the right time to talk to him about this is/leaving it too late/rushing it
- him possibly reaching the conclusion that nothing can be done and then dismissing what I tell him

Suggestions? All would be greatly appreciated.

current mood: worried

8 Orgasms (Almost There...)

Friday, August 12th, 2005
11:18 pm - Resurfacing

Just when you thought she was had fallen off the face of the earth, Dear Tristessa has re-emerged!

Where did she go? You are probably wondering.

I moved out of my parent's house and got a new boyfriend after being with Fox for a year. I have a computer, but can't seem to get Internet hooked up to it for some reason, but I still use my boyfriend's (wolflarsen55) computer, or Jester's.

So I'm still here, and still very willing to answer your questions. Soon I'll probably post something special.

current mood: blah

2 Orgasms (Almost There...)

Thursday, June 23rd, 2005
2:52 pm

I think this is the only time I've ever had any relationship problems that I have been way too embarrassed to talk about.
Actually, one has to do with a bad obsession I have with the past, and one has to do with sex and I can talk about that one:

If you have constant fantasies about something, does that mean you would actually do them? Because sometimes I fantasize about some things that (I'm not going to lie), are absolutely 100% sick and twisted. And I mean, they're really bad. Completely illegal and would be considered a mental illness if I told a doctor what I thought about. But it really turns me on. Thinking about actually going out and doing it seems just plain wrong and I honestly believe I never would, and yet I fantasize all the time about sick sick things. Does this mean that I would actually be interested in doing that? Or is it normal to fantasize about things that you would never actually do?

3 Orgasms (Almost There...)

Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
5:12 pm - Not going too well.

This isn't going too well. Tristessa's busy all the time and I've suddenly hit discusser's block (if that's even a word or spelled correctly). People, we've gotta do something. This week is free discussion. Whatever YOU'D like to discuss, let me know. Make topics up if you'd like for future discussions because I've just about ran out of ideas. So please...contribute some ideas or discuss what you'd like to discuss concerning relationships or sex. We would appreciate it.


current mood: productive

3 Orgasms (Almost There...)

Tuesday, April 19th, 2005
11:24 am - I'm not dead, guys

Heylo! I apologize for being such a dud in my own damn community. It's not easy trying to balance school, work, and living in two places at once. Not to mention plans to move that's not really working. Which brings me to something that I would like to discuss with you guys.

And no Jest, I'm not trying to take away your discussion column ;)

My bf Fox and I are trying to make plans to move in together. Right now we're waiting on 1) the place we're planning to get to become vacant and 2) financial ability. A couple of months and we should be good to go.

Now, I've always been very against cohabitation. I always went by the "live-ins lose out" rule. Recently, I decided that moving in with Fox would be the best option. Now, we're not approaching it like many couples do, with the "We gotta test the waters" approach. Fuck that. It's in my opinion that people with that attitude will indeed lose out. They might as well sign a prenup and get married, because they have the "It may or may not work out" attutude. But in my case, it's more of a "It's more convenient for us and we can't live without each other at this point" attitude. Not only that, but we are both confident that things will turn out fine for us.

So, guys, is "shacking up" a do or a no-no? And give me your reasons. I personally still think it's a no-no, but I think in my case it's an ok. Oh, and we may be this committed at this point, but we have never discussed the M-word.

current mood: curious

1 Orgasm (Almost There...)

Wednesday, April 13th, 2005
3:27 pm - Jester's Weekly Discussion

Boy this has been a desolate community as of late. No one even responded to the last weekly discussion. So much for fun! :-P Oh well, this week is just regular discussion.

-*It's a sign*-

This week, we're going to discuss something quite deep. The question is "What signs do you think indicate that true love has found you?" I know I'm in love with Marian and I've gone through a lot with her. I believe true love has found me because of the simple fact that when she lost my contact info, she spent nine long months hunting me down. And I'm unlisted in the phone books and she didn't know anyone who had my phone number so obviously fate drew her BACK to me. The sign that told me she was the one is the uncanny coinsidence that she called me on my parents' 25th wedding anniversary of all days. That's when I realized, "Oh my god, how can it be?" I never thought we would have ever met again. Plus, even when I was in a happy relationship, deep down inside I missed Marian. So how do YOU think you've found your's?

current mood: dorky

2 Orgasms (Almost There...)

Thursday, March 31st, 2005
1:36 pm - Jester's Weekly Discussion

Hello people. Today, I have a fun quiz for you people to do thanks to quizdiva.com. Just post your result in the comment area. Take care peeps.

You Are Quite Open Minded About Sex

You're a total wild child in the bedroom

Totally experimental, who knows what you'll try next!

But, you do draw the line at anything too extreme

For you, sex is about pleasure - not mind games

How Open Minded Are You About Sex?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

current mood: bored

(Almost There...)

Wednesday, March 30th, 2005
1:17 am - Status report!!

I'm not single. That's right. Marian called me tonite and pleaded with me. Turns out, she was scared. Scared of losing another loved one to death. She lost a girlfriend that way and she was scared to get too attached. She just told me all this. Not only that, but she's been undergoing some SERIOUS pressure. She's dealing with work, her grandmother's nagging, her folks' green hands (money hungry turds), AND she has immigration up her ass because her green card and her passport have expired, not to mention her heart fucking with her when it comes to me. Here's a quote of the basic details of what she said:

Marian: I've been such a fool. You're right. I AM in love with you. I'm afraid of being heartbroken again.
Jester: Marian, how many times must I convince you that I will not betray you like your other lovers have.
Marian: It's not like that kind of heartbreak...
Jester: So what're you saying?
Marian: I was in love before with a girl. She meant everything to me. I never saw it coming, but God just took her away from me. I never thought I could fall in love for anyone like I did her, but I have....with you.
Jester: So THIS is what all this is about?
Marian: Yes....that and my stress along with my schitzo fucking with me. I gotta up the mgs on my medication haha! (She has a form of schitzo that consist of split personality and major depression).

So basically, she was confused and upset and just plain fucked up about everything. So needless to say I forgave her, but not before I forwarned her that if she ever did this to me again, it would be over for good. So she understood and PROMISED me she would never do it again. She also apologized about the whole being pissed at me for asking friends for advice thing. She knew she was wrong and I knew she'd figure it out in due time. I'll be okay this time too if it DOES happen because I'm always gonna have my guard up and I'll always have my emotions in tact to where they won't get haywired. Wish me luck people!!!

current mood: refreshed

(Almost There...)

Monday, March 28th, 2005
1:38 pm - Love is just fairy tale bullshit suitable for people who can't handle reality

Okay so I'm talking out of my ass, but it speaks wisdom only because of my feelings. In case you haven't figured it out already, yes Marian doesn't think she's in love with me anymore and I'm not gonna stick around for her to change her mind over and over again. If she really is in love with me, she's going to have to really convice me because I could care less if she wants to be with me or not right now. She's pissed because I went to my friends about the problems we were having. So to hell with her. I'm actually happier without her than I am with her. I feel like I've got a big load thrown off of my shoulders. Apparently, I was meant to be single because I seem to be happier that way.

So lock up your daughters ladies and gentlemen, because the Jester is once again single!!

I'm might be having a bonfire tonite consisting of everything that reminds me of her. I really don't wanna know her anymore. She can't accept me for what and who I am, she can't accept the decisions I make, she can't even make up her fucking mind and she keeps playing mind games with me so I don't want any part of her. So Marian, I bid you adeu! My eyes are more open now and the pain she caused me with the words she spoke, sent me over to a new feeling....emptiness. I really feel nothing...which is a good thing. The crazy thing, is that I cannot believe I'm not crushed or destroyed over this. After everything she and I have been through together. Oh well.

current mood: relieved

8 Orgasms (Almost There...)

Monday, March 21st, 2005
5:02 pm

Has your partner ever told you how many people they've slept with in the past, and you're immediately disappointed?
I feel so stupid for feeling bad about it because it's something that happened before he met me and it would be so unfair to mention that it bothers me because it can't be changed. I feel like I'm just being whiney and dumb.
But at the same time, it's eating at me and I really can't make it stop. The number just seems really high to me and he doesn't think so at all.
Maybe it bothers me because it makes me feel like a number. I'm not sure. I know I'm not, but still....
Anyways, how do I stop feeling bad about it?

current mood: confused

16 Orgasms (Almost There...)

Wednesday, March 16th, 2005
8:49 pm - Jester's Weekly Discussion

Hello people. I know we haven't done one of these in a while, but everybody's been sick, plus Tristessa has been very busy with work so she hasn't been able to do a weekly how-to in some time now. I've been sick plus haven't exactly been able to think straight on the topics. Well, enough of the excuses for my not doing this, let us begin.

-*The Ideal Lover*-

Okay folks, this week, I'm asking the obvious..."What is your ideal image of your lover?" Mine is already become a reality. I couldn't believe that she really exist. My ideal lover is short (Marian is 4'7"), asian, with black hair (of course), but with brown highlights, curves galore, and with a sweet yet wicked sided personality. Not to mention quite a unique personality (Marian to a T). So what's your ideal lover?


current mood: giddy

2 Orgasms (Almost There...)

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